HOLY KISSING

IHoly Kissing by Jamie Buckingham (1990) 

Few things traumatize us real men any more than being kissed by another man.  I vividly remember the first time it happened to me.  The fellow was a transplant into our church from Ohio.  Broad and bearded, he came forward after the service to introduce himself.  I tried to shake his hand.  Instead he kissed me on the cheek.  I could feel my face turn flaming red.  I knew I ought to kiss him back.

Five times the Bible says we should greet one another with a holy kiss.  That’s more times than it says we should be born again.  But I couldn’t.  I just couldn’t.  It took me weeks to recover.  A month later, after doing my best to evade the man on Sunday, he kissed me again.  But I simply could not pucker up in return.

Real men, I had been taught from childhood, don’t kiss other men.  They shake hands.  It was tough enough just learning how to hug.  I got my first exposure 23 years ago at a Full Gospel Business Men’s Fellowship convention in Washington D.C.

It was horrible, crammed into that hotel lobby with 4,000 hugging charismatics.  Two things stood out about that group.  First, they were a people who vocalized their affection to God with unabashed shouting—even in public places.  Second, they showed their affection to each other—by hugging.

It was as if all charismatics had adopted the slogan: “No hand shaking allowed.”  And worse, they pounded you on the back at the same time.  Shouting “Praise God!” To draw attention to their bizarre behavior.  Eventually, in self-defense, I too became a hugger.

It was easier to throw my arms around everyone than it was to try to determine who was a handshaker and who was a hugger.  Then was when I ran across those verses about holy kissing.  I did everything I could to escape the admonishment.  I checked all the different translations, only to discover the Bible translators were as inhibited as I.  Kenneth Taylor from Moody Bible Institute, translated 2 Cor 13:12 “Greet each other warmly in the Lord” (Living Bible)

Clarence Jordan, a Southern Baptist, used a good Baptist phrase in his translation: “Extend one another the hand of fellowship.”  And J. B. Phillps, a proper Anglican, gave it a British twist: “A handshakes all around, please!”  The Bible translators were tracking the culture, rather than translating the Word.  I opened my seldom-used Greek New Testament.

 In five instances we are told to greet each other with a kiss (Rom. 16:16; ! Cor 16:20; 2 Cor. 13:12; 1 These. 5:26; 1 Peter 5:14).  For centuries men have tried to get around this.

In A. D. 1250 the Anglicans introduced the Pax (peace) Board so they could pass the “kiss of peace” without moral contamination. The clergy kissed the board then passed it to the congregation who in turn kissed it.  The idea did not last long.  One sick priest could wipe out his entire congregation.  

The Puritans—while allowing the kiss—translated “holy” to mean men should kiss men and women should kiss women.  To enforce this they separated the men from the women in the church house, sometimes with a partition down the middle.

In our day, besides all the cultural and traditional hangups we have to overcome, holy kissing is said to encourage weirdos, child molesters and dirty old men.  “That’s all my fornicating husband is looking for—a scriptural excuse,” one angry wife told me after hearing a sermon on biblical kissing.

And what about the wierdos?  My teen-age daughters used to come home and talk about ‘that man’ in the church.  (Every church has one).  “Daddy, that man hugs all the girls with a funny hug.”  My reply: “When he does, rub your lipstick all over his shirt and let his wife straighten him out”.  One stern-faced man warned me that kissing—like dancing, women wearing pants and ‘mixed swimming’—would soon lead to sexual orgies, wife-swapping and child molestation.

But I am tired of the devil stealing all the good stuff.  A holy kiss comes from a holy heart.  We live in a loveless world.  So many are never hugged, never kissed.  Love is relegated to sex and silly greeting cards.  How desperate we need to show—and receive—affection.

So watch out.  The next time you see me, you just might get kissed. 

Malloy addendum 2024:  

When Jamie Buckingham wrote this article back in the late 1980s it was a different time.  It was a time when HIV/AIDS was at a peak.  The gay community became more visible as a result of the tragic loss of so many of their own.  Gays became more ‘main stream’ to the point now few movies or sitcoms are without a gay character.  

So now, when we talk about holy kissing, the additional angst that many men feel is “someone will think I’m queer”.  We added yet another layer to the loneliness of a society and culture that already reeked with it.  Even now though with the fear of what will others think, when a guy sees another two fellows hug or get a kiss on the cheek there is an unspoken, underlying thought on occasion—‘can I get a bit of that?’  

As Jamie said in this loveless world there are multiple reasons to shy away or decline affection while starving for it.  COVID sure did not help either. 

Should we even suspect this original article written by a guy named ‘Jamie’—kinda gay huh?  (One of my very best friends is Bruce.  Steel Magnolias said years ago that Bruce was often a gay man’s name)   I’m with Jamie—whatever his sexuality may have been, I’m over the angst of it all. 

Like Jamie said—watch out.  

(Jamie & Bruce are straight by the way.)

Original article written by Jamie Buckingham, June 1990, Charisma & Christian Life. He was a master story-teller and Bible teacher who delighted millions both in person and via his more than forty-five books. He passed away in 1992.  

My 70th birthday party.….then again, he is Austrian (you know some of those European countries!)