Just Don’t Say the Word: A Pandemic of Dumb

The current talk of banning the world ‘gay’ down in sunny Florida (yet not so bright) brought back memories.  Recalling a time when just not saying a word will make ‘it’ go away.  Those who buy into that have been watching too much ‘Disney’ (who happens to be fighting the Florida ban).  

Years ago while I was the director at the non-profit Dan, one of our staff members, was invited to speak in a Sunday school class at a large church that was a financial supporter of our agency.  While talking about our counseling services one class member asked if we ever discussed divorce with a couple or individual saying they did not believe in divorce and it could not be discussed.  Dan tried to explain that we too were pro-marriage and did not encourage divorce but it was the couple who came to us bringing the option up.  The class member said “you simply tell them you won’t speak of it”.  What we know as therapists (and most anyone else), the couple or individual will only go elsewhere.  To talk about the option and the consequences is part of the process of making a good choice…maybe not to divorce.

The class member, also the owner of a Christian bookstore, took the matter to church council.  Dan, myself and the director of Clinical Services were invited to meet with them.  As I left the church that evening I recall walking out the door thinking there was no communication at all that happened in that meeting.  The decision was made before we showed up and as a result, they chose to stop their financial support.  Dan was a very good speaker and I trusted him to do a good job, which he did, but minds were closed.  

I’m also remembering my junior high SS teacher who told us that if we said “shoot” we might as well have said “shit” and if we said, “darn” we might as well have said, “damn”. We’d burn for either.  I am not advocating the use of fowl language but I dare say that few of us, present company included, just pops out a “phooey!” when we slam our thumb in a door.

This idea of not using a word, not considering a choice like divorce is lunacy.  One of my favorite books is by Kent Nerburn titled Letters to My Son.  I’ve recommended it dozens of times.  The reason, Kent doesn’t tell his son what decision to make.  He goes about instructing him how to make the decision and all that needs to be considered.  It’s the old teaching a guy to fish thing.  

We are not doing future generations any favors by acting like there is no such thing as homosexuality or being ‘gay’.  Or that divorce doesn’t happen on a frequent basis in the society we live in—the stats in Christian circles are the same.  

Sticking your head in the sand is a solution.  Maybe that poster needs to be legislated on the wall of every classroom. 

A solution, but a really dumb one.