Keep the Salt & Pepper Handy

My father-in-law passed away almost four years ago now.  For a guy his age he was fairly computer savvy and would regularly send me emails that were critical of a 'current political figure' which shall go unnamed. He was also a WWII vet and many of his posts were in support of the armed forces--less controversial, which at least I tended to open (most the time).

One of his emails encouraged getting out our banners and placards to protest the movie The Butler (2013) which had recently opened in theaters.  The fervor was about Jane Fonda playing Nancy Reagan. They were upset because of Fonda's stance against the Viet Nam war years before.  There was a link to an article about Fonda's protests and in that article it went on to say she'd sincerely regretted her remarks about the soldiers in Viet Nam and had apologized numerous times for her blunder.

In 1988, Fonda even met with a group of Vietnam veterans in a church basement in Connecticut while making a film there. She said that while not everyone at the meeting became “fond of Fonda,” there was healing. “What I learned,” she said, “we have to listen to each other, even when we don’t agree, even when we think we hate each other. We have to listen to each other’s narratives, not interrupt defensively or with hostility, but really try to open our hearts and listen with empathy.”

She sounds like a therapist in that I was always saying we all make better talkers than listeners.  I spent way more time coaching someone to talk less and listen more.  But there's not a one of us that in the fit of the moment has not spoken out of turn.  Ever heard this quote?

Be careful of the words you say, keep them soft and sweet.
You never know, from day to day, which ones you'll have to eat.

I say, "Better keep the salt and pepper handy!"

One step further is what the initial email from my father-in-law was not offering: forgiveness.  Yet, they even had a link to Fonda's apology!  It's the same when Paula Dean's made off-handed remarks decades ago.  Who of any of us has not made some similar remark?  Like Jane Fonda, many of us were not for the Viet Nam war.  We stayed away from Hanoi and our remarks thankfully didn't make it into international news.

Of all the actions I take, rarely is anything more powerful than forgiving.  That is, the forgiving of self, and others.  It is grace and mercy offered to all.  One of my oft spoken lines has been "Good people make stupid choices".  Look around--check out history, read the Bible.  Do an honest inventory of your own life.  Oh, and too, it's not a one-time thing.  I do it over, and over, and over reminding myself that I've chosen to let THAT go---whatever THAT is.

So, although I'll admit I deleted many of those emails from my father-in-law (before I read them), I was glad I read that one.  I did see The Butler and thought it was worth my time.  I for one, forgive Jane Fonda. 

She's lived a lot of life since then and she's learned a few things.