More on Saints and Perfection

If he actually did it (was honest) for the sake of having a good conscience, he would become a Pharisee and cease to be a truly moral person.  I think that even saints did not care for anything other than simply to serve God, and I doubt that they ever had it in mind to become saints.  If that were the case, they would have become only perfectionists rather than saints.

Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search of Meaning

Being a perfectionist is a lonely life.

There is a right way to do everything—and conversely, a wrong way.  You have heard that if anything is worth doing at all, it is worth doing well.  Whether it be business, sports, relationships or even a respite from our normal pace, there is a right way to do it for those of us in this club.  If someone embarrasses you in a social situation, make sure you tell them about it.  If your best friend doesn’t come through for you, be honest every time and tell them about your expectations. And, above all else, don’t ever cut yourself any slack because you know ‘idle hands are a devil’s workshop’.  Winning, coming out on top, is everything in life, no matter the cost.  Life is binary, black and white. 

Some of us have struggled with this idea of perfection—a lot of us.  We have the idea that we aren’t worth much if we are not flawless.  If everything is not together, we have little significance. 

A good while ago, after setting on my bookshelf for several years, I read Habitation of Dragons by Keith Miller.  Keith is the same fellow who wrote the popular book, A Taste of New Wine way back (1965).  He and I grew up in Tulsa. He went to a rival High School, Central. I went to Will Rogers High.  Between his books, it is obvious more of life happened—or as we therapists say, Keith was ‘in process’. 

Miller wrote a chapter titled The Incompleteness of ‘Total Honesty’.  He told the story of working at a summer camp as a college freshman.  One particular boy, Mortey, who was an orphan, became a favorite of Miller’s that summer.  Mortey was overweight, wore glasses and was outgoing.  He had “lots of old-fashioned guts and intelligence”.  When they were out walking, Mortey would reach up and take Miller’s hand as a son would his dad’s.  

At the end of eight weeks the camp awards came.  When it can to voting for the honor camper trophy, two boys remained after the initial weeding out, Mortey was one. Because he felt biased, Keith decided not to vote, but as things happen, he had to in order to break a tie. He knew the other boy was better athletically but Mortey had the edge ‘in human understanding’.  Knowing Mortey so well, he knew he could be a little cocky and had a few other faults he was aware of.  Fearing reprisals from other counselors since they knew of his friendship with Mortey, he voted for the other boy.

On the final day of camp, Mortey came up to Miller with his face streaked with tears.  Miller told him how close he had come to being the honored camper.  Keith tried to explain the situation and told him he’d voted for the other boy.  When he saw the look on Mortey’s face, he knew how wrong he had been.

Miller wrote,  “It was years later, after I became a Christian and began to understand myself more clearly that I began to see the trap that honesty can be.  It had become my highest value—honesty at any cost.  I worshiped honesty.  I had been so intent on maintaining my own integrity that the broader values in the judging situation escaped me.  I was blind to the consequences of trying to clear myself with Mortey by telling him everything—not realizing that a nine-year-old boy would not understand.  Yet then, maybe he did and that was what broke his heart. 

This little guy saw the world through a different set of eyes.  It was close to ten years before I began to put myself into the hands of the One who saw life in the way Mortey did. In His world there was a higher value than raw honesty with which to judge people—that being, love.”

Miller included the previous quote from Frankl.  Personally, I too have come to see that I have a choice between striving for godly attributes or pursuing a relationship with God.  To some this is a moot point—yet it is extraordinarily central to faith.  As a social worker for forty-seven years, I’ve met many who know the elements of integrity and can quote lots of scriptures—they go through the motions.  Yet, they don’t know the one who embodies all of it.  Frankl is correct.  Had the saints had in mind to become saints, they would have become perfectionists.  We are invited to a persistent, relentless pursuit of God—whatever term you use today—seeking all the relationship can be.  Living in that Being provides an avenue of discernment and wisdom we all need and in turn matures our character in higher order. 

It is so easy to take credit ourselves for our accomplishments.  Because of our bent toward arrogance, I’m thinking more and more, the Creator has done it all.  As a result, we have no place to take any credit what so ever.  All we do is respond, we let go time and time again. He has our number as humans. Our only remaining prayer will be, Lord, be gracious to me, a sinner. 

Working to improve a marriage, parenting teenagers, losing a job or dealing with an addiction, it is within this Being—this relationship, we learn the principles to live by and are given the strength to carry through. 

We in this club still can get frustrated when we are not able to reach the mark we’d set for ourselves or to change something about ourselves that is less than ideal.  Perfect is not to be in this life.  Layer by layer Love changes us, not all the personal engineering we do.  The virtues are important, but only truly achievable when empowered through divine Love.  

Cut yourself some slack today.  Take that time you would have spent trying to make it perfect and spend it cultivating relationship. 

Much better time management.