My Friendship with the Geranium Lady: Barbara Johnson
December 14, 1927-July 2, 2007
I and Barbara met in 1985 at San Francisco State University at an EXODUS conference. Barb never joined EXODUS but was the one who introduced Frank Worthan, then the director of EXODUS, to his wife Anita who had been in one of Barbara’s groups. Like Barb, I questioned the claims EXODUS made early on, that a gay orientation can be made straight. I regret staying affiliated with them as long as I did but after confronting one of their primary leaders and spokesman (who admitted to still being gay), I took my exit. There was also an EXIT ministry back in the early 80s. It was the two male leaders of EXIT that fell in love with one another—and did not ‘exit’ being gay or doing EXIT ministry any longer. Accusations where made for years that it was the original EXODUS leaders that had done so.
At the San Francisco conference Barb was sitting in the back where all good Baptists (and Nazarenes) sit. We got initially acquainted there and then we invited her to come to Nashville to speak about her experience with Spatula, her group for parents of a gay son or daughter. (Spatula because she said she had to scrape the parents off the ceiling with a spatula of love when they learned of their son or daughter being gay). With her permission, we named our parents group in Brentwood Spatula as well. I facilitated that parents group for twenty-seven years.
She came to Nashville in February 1986 for a conference we titled Fresh Elastic for Stretched out Parents, a take off of one of her book titles. Barbara was always well received. Since I was chairing the conference I spent a good amount of time with her. From there on, since I was counseling men dealing with being gay and she the parents we ‘talked shop’ fairly often comparing notes. We dealt with common frustrations of serving the gay population…it resembled a mine field. The topic was so polarized with vocal extremes politically and religiously, right and left.
After Many years of doing counseling for both of us, we saw no one change their sexual orientation. Barb said one time, “it is hard to walk the tight rope between the conservative evangelicals and the others”. She was cirticized by the vanguards of the Christian Right for not taking the ‘healing homosexuals’ approach. She would fax letters she’d received so we could talk about them. Our joint conclusion was that publicly fighting that battle would do little to nothing for the people we talked to daily—the criticism did not change our minds. As I told Bard, “There is a mountain range of ‘unanswered’ prayers in heaven from men and women trying to ‘pray the gay away’”, and they remained gay”.
In another note Barbara said: “You know I’ve been criticized for not telling parents at the onset that their kid won’t change—that the orientation doesn’t change. Always I have felt that was not right. We give the parents hope that THEY will get better—and THEY will get through this without harping about what their kid will do. This week I was talking with a wife whose husband is a psychologist. They have a gay son. A fine Christian family and leaders in the community here. I was telling her about how I felt about not informing parents right off the bat when they first come. The mom said: “Barbara, if you have a whole load of manure you don’t dump it all on the one little strawberry! You have to coax it along…show it care and gently lead it”. To begin with, parents are such raw recruits they can’t handle all the reality to begin with—it is not false hope but the hope that they (themselves) WILL feel better in time…not that their child will change.”
The Spatula doll made by Precious Moments
Barbara was a ‘cash cow’ for Word publishing selling millions of books as well as coffee cups, calendars and all sorts of stuff with her sayings printed on them. Ironically, we would joke about her trips to the Christian Booksellers Convention where Jesus was marketed to the hilt!
Part of my Barbara Johnson ‘shrine’. Note the ‘All my marbles’ she gave me from her Joy Room.
Barbara and Bill (gopher Bill as she referred to him) lived in LaHabra, California in Los Angeles. When I was in LA for whatever reason I would always spend time with her. Barb loved strawberry pie so we always headed to Marie Calendar’s for her fix…even though she was diabetic. It was also via her story that I first heard of In-N-Out Hamburgers which has become an obsession for me although the closest location is Dallas/Fort Worth. The Johnsons lived in a mobile home park owned by the Champagne Lady, Norma Zimmer (Lawrence Welk Show). For a guy who grew up in Oklahoma, ‘trailer parks’ were known as tornado magnets and often could be pretty trashy. Where Bill and Barb lived was gated with a club house and pool—all the trailers were skirted, had yards and sidewalks.
Her front sidewalk was lined with red geraniums, surprise! The trailer was a ‘double-wide’ with the ‘Joy Room’ just inside the front door. That room was full of all sorts of stuff people had sent her as well as her own books, awards and Barbara Johnson calendars, coffee cups, etc. She had an ample supply of ‘splashes of joy’—the flat glass marbles she gave away to everyone. I still have a bunch myself and at times will still keep a small one in my pocket.
Barbara and I in her home in LaHabra, California…with her ceramic Christmas tree that is back in vogue now.
Being separated at such a distance we stayed in touch by phone. It was during one of her speaking visits to Nashville shortly after my mom had passed that she overheard someone asking me about mom. Barb broke in and said: “Well, since your mom has passed and you’re very close to Tim’s age, we should just adopt each other”. Tim, who died in a car crash in 1973 in the Yukon, was born in June 1948, I early in 1949. So we did adopt each other!
Barb with her geranium hat…which was on stage at her memorial service.
Barb was described as the Queen of Encouragement, She and Bill sure were for me. Barb was a part of the Women of Faith Tour that drew 20,000-25,000 women in cities around the country. She was the most popular speaker. I and other always said she was the Erma Bombeck of the Christian scene. She could have all those 25,000 women digging in their purses for a tissue but before they found one, they’d be breaking into side-splitting laughter. It was during that tour here in Nashville that Barb—unbeknownst to most—had a mild stroke while on the platform. I’ve wondered if that wasn’t a precursor to the brain tumor found a few years later. (My mother battled a brain tumor for almost ten years before she died, then Barbara develop one—as did her sister Janet). She developed lymphoma also in 2001 complicated by late onset diabetes.
Her last few years were very challenging health wise. In encouraging her to take care of herself, I bemoaned that she had printed her home phone number in books. Now I believe that spending time on the phone helping others very likely was a big help to her and lengthened her life. But the events of her last years made the tragedies of Where Does a Mother Go to Resign? pale. Although she wrote a two page summary that was sent to some, it did not reach her entire audience. Like she would have said, the last book would have been a ‘doosey’.
Her gay son David (Larry in the books) and his partner cared for her at the end. He moved her to a facility in Palm Springs near where he lived. It was David who called me late June in 2007 and said if you want to see mom before she passes, come now. Jeannie and I made quick plans and got to Palm Springs the weekend of the 4th of July. It was hotter than blazes, staying in a Palm Springs Lawerence Welk motel, circa 1960s. When we went to the front desk of the senior living facility and said we were there to see Barb, the receptionist’s face dropped and quietly said, “Barbara passed away yesterday”—but “her sister Janet is back in her room”. After that initial shock we had our first introduction to Janet..her only sister from Minneapolis. She too was quite the character. After twenty minutes or so Janet broke in and said that she’d promised the residents that she would play the piano for an hour and said we could join her. Janet had played piano for silent movies decades before. She practically non-stop tore that piano up with show tunes, popular songs and hymns…without a single piece of music! I have a couple of CDs she sent me later.
Janet and I with a quilt someone had made for Barbara. (Palm Springs, 2007)
That trip was my first occasion to meet David as well so for a few days I got more of the history of the Johnson clan. In the months to follow I stayed in touch with Janet via the mail since she wasn’t computer or internet savvy.
Barb did not want a funeral, Bill had already passed away in Nevada having been ‘abducted’ by the other surviving son Dean (Barney in the books but not the wholesome, sweet boy portrayed—just the opposite). Barb had been in recovery from two broken arms only to return home to find Bill and all of her important papers, money and car were gone. She never saw Bill again since he had been buried in Nevada where he once said elephants go to die—not thinking much of the state. It took her almost a year to via lawyers to rectify what ‘Barney’ had done. He somehow had declared her incompetent and transferred all monies, property and accounts to himself.
There was a memorial service September 21, 2007 at the Crystal Cathedral in Garden Grove where she had held her Spatula meetings. It was during that service that Gloria Gaither said that Barbara found the humor in the midst of our realities. So true. As I said, she (and Bill) were two of my most ardent encouragers. When I went to Scottsdale at age fifty for three weeks of intensive counseling, they sent $1000 to help. They were generous, caring and authentic folks. Her loss created a huge emotional hole. I had talked candidly to Barb over those many years moreso than I ever had my own mother. I found myself reaching for the phone months afterwards only to remember that she was gone.
Barb often quoted the scripture—love one another deeply for love covers a multitude of sins. She was the eptiome of that. I’ve attached photos of my Barbara Johnson ‘shrine’ with the Spatula Doll that was created by Precious Moments. She was a very special lady who helped tens of thousands of parents through her books, presentations as well as the phone to deal with their shock and ignorance about being gay.
I, along with many others, still miss her. ‘Barbara Johnsons’ rarely come along in our lives. I was very lucky to have known her…and been adopted.